Daniel Kitson

17 Sep 2005

This may not be the greatest shot I've taken, but the story behind it is definitely worth telling.

There was a month-long arts festival on, with many acts in numerous locations around the city, almost too many to choose from. So when one of our friends suggested a few of us give this stand-up comic guy she'd heard of, Daniel Kitson, a try we thought 'what the hell' and got some tickets. From the start we knew it was going to be an interesting evening because Kitson casually mentioned he'd just repeated his act twice a night for the past three nights, and since this is his last gig he really couldn't be fucked doing it all over again. Hmmm, fair enough.

So he starts to engage the audience with the usual aimable banter; "What's your name, where you from?" Now, there's this couple in the front row, a twenty something bloke and his teenage girlfriend I guess (comedy act, front row, not always the best place to sit) and Kitson asks the girl her name. No response. "Where you from?" Nothing. "What, do I smell? Or not exist?" He asks her some other harmless stuff and her stoney silence is both amusing to everyone else and a red rag to Kitson the bull.

He lays off for a bit and I think does a little bit of his act until he finally interrupts himself and again starts on the girl. "Look love, you don't seem to be enjoying this, perhaps you should leave? I won't be offended, that's fine, just get up and leave, we'll wait." Not response, no movement. "Okay, look! I'd really like it if you'd leave. No, really, maybe just fuck off yeah?!" We're all chuckling at this. He's giving her a real serve and I'm thankful as hell that it's not me. But bloody hell, she's not making a move! This is going to get ugly.

So basically he stops the show completely, just sits on the edge of the stage and stares at the girl. Finally I think he gives up and mentions something about her being "a spoilt little brat", which is the straw that breaks the camel's back. She suddenly stands up, grabs her stuff and storms out in an absolute huff. To a slight pause and then a bit of applause and cheering. Kiston looks like he's about to get on with the show when he spots that the boyfriend is still sitting in his seat. "This is where you go after her and make sure she's alright." The boyfriend doesn't move. "No, I'm serious, you should probably follow her. I don't really want you here either."

The boyfriend jumps up and makes an attempt to climb up on stage, looking like he's going to start swinging punches. Kitson backs away, some other guys in the front row pull him off the stage and he quickly changes his mind, storming out after his girlfriend as he yells at Kitson in a foreign accent "I fuck you up the ass!" I think Kitson made some comment about not really being too into that.

Even Kitson is amused by all of this. He asks some of the remaining people in the front row if they were friends with the couple? Says he feels bad about it. Then he talks over the mic to his sound guy "Mick, how much money have you got on you?" "Enough. Why?" is the reply. Kitson calls him down and asks the audience how much the tickets were, then gets the right cash from his sound guy, and gives it to the friends of the couple who promise to pass it on.

Fantastic, so far a good show.

Kitson does some more of his act till at one point he wanders off-stage a little and comes back with a couple of old wooden fruit crates. Some other comedians props it turns out. So while he's talking he keeps on finding more of them till he's got a small collection of them on stage, and then proceeds to build a little tower out of them. Then he tries to climb on top of it. Spotting a potential Kodak moment I whip out my camera, but wanting to be discrete I turn off the flash. The crate tower is looking very rickety and even Kitson is having his doubts about its ability to hold him. Then he spies the focus light on my camera which I'd forgotton to turn off! "And now I've got some fucker trying to take pictures of me falling on my arse! Ya bastard!"

I can't remember if he did get up on the crates or not, but he definitely didn't fall.

So if you ever get the chance to see Daniel Kitson, go along and see him. Just don't sit in the front row!

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